16/03/2015
It is Monday the 16th of March, 2015 – and I am here writing my first Blog Post. I can hardly believe it! I initially intended on leaving this off until the end of the year. I wanted to produce more Art, Writing, Poetry; take more Photos, have more Eventful Experiences to share; have my Blog Posts planned out; have done some travel (as yet, I have not completed any recent travel, although I do have some travel planned for later in the year: to go home to visit my family & friends) and I wanted to be organised. However, I eventually figured out that if I planned these things, but didn’t do them – I would have nothing to share on my blog. So, I started doing things…
Not the things on my list, but a whole bunch of other stuff: distractions. For example, going to a sports group, yoga, a coffee group and a support group. I decided that if I want to get past all the distractions, I have to bite the bullet and get down to it and start this thing. I decided I would start my blog, even though I don’t have much to show you right now, because it will keep me accountable to my audience (which consists only of myself so far) and it would hopefully act as an extrinsic motivational factor.
However, I do know that intrinsic factors are what really get us going. I’ve just realised reading back on the last two paragraphs that what I’ve written isn’t really fair, because this is meant to by a Lifestyle Blog, just as much as it is an Art and Travel Blog – through the lenses of someone who is very Hopeful of the future. More than that, through the lens of someone who was diagnosed with a “severe brain disease”, as my Doctors, Psychiatrists etc. refer to it. I have not bought into the storyline that it is going to be an ongoing problem for life (although that is often what the professionals see in their practices), because I have hope in God, faith in both God and myself – and thus, have been given a “good prognosis”. Personally, I believe I have the BEST prognosis, because not only do I have hope and faith, but I also have a lot of resources at my disposal. Resources most people do not know about, although many are aware of them. For example books on neuroplasticity, learned optimism and positivity, such as those by Martin Seligman and Norman Dooidge, M.D. I will put it out there directly. The intention of this Blog, is not only to Blog, although I do want to get that right. My intention is to build a business, as well as a community of like-minded individuals and those with opposing views alike. I want to sell my art, poetry, writing and anything else I can produce, such as music. I don’t yet know how to go about this, but I figure I will learn as I go.
Maybe you can help me, with some advice, guidance, links, suggestions, constructive feedback or ideas. I welcome any and all of this. You might be an expert and know a little or a lot about some of my interests, or you might like me, be a novice at these things, but still have something valuable to contribute – not only to myself, but to this community (God willing!). The dreaded diagnosis I was given is “Paranoid Schizophrenia”. When I share this with people (because I am all about debunking stigma, stereotypes, shame, guilt etc and promoting peace, kindness and goodwill towards humanity – and the animals too, but more about that later) they often say things like “I would never take you as someone with that”, “you’re not a schizophrenic” or “you don’t seem paranoid to me”.
The fact is that I always had a lot of insight into my condition – or whatever you might like to call it, and I knew straight up that something was wrong. I learned very quickly how to compensate behaviourally so that nobody would know I was unwell (I would go to the community centre and talk to real people about their lives, listen attentively and in a caring manner, play soccer, surf the web, paint, draw and socialise – meanwhile voices in my head were telling me they were going to come and get me and torture people I care deeply about – this was very disturbing, but I put it at the back of my mind and it diminished on it’s own over the course of a year, until I no longer heard voices, unless I opted to “tune in” to them). Why did I do that instead of “seeking help”? The answer is simple: I did not want the dreaded label I knew I would be given. To my surprise, when I was first admitted to hospital I wasn’t labelled a paranoid schizophrenic. Nor was I upon the 2nd admission. But on the 3rd admission after a year from the first onset, I was finally diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic. I hated the label. I wanted to find every excuse under the sun for it to be something else: ANYTHING else. But no: once you have been given that label, it is very difficult to shake it. It is possible. I’ve heard of people being told they never had it in the first place – after considerable healing took place (usually through an alternative route to psychiatry).
Personally, I believe that will be me in 10 or 15 years. They’ll be asking, “were you faking it the whole time”? That is something I want to propose to you: perhaps I am faking it. Schizophrenia, although it is considered a severe brain disease is not the centre of my life. I am facing more pressing issues, such as anxiety (which could make the schizophrenia worse if I allowed it to). I face my anxiety daily. Sometimes I take breaks from facing it – and just chillax, but most of the time I am facing it. When I am doing anything other, I take time to breathe deeply, like a yogi – and think happy thoughts, go to a beautiful place in my mind, such as the beach, a tropical rainforest or a dessert (desserts can be beautiful, especially at night or very early in the morning when the dew is setting on everything). I have a lot of “free time” – although most of it goes towards learning about business, reading blogs, analysing blogs and trying to work out my writing style. Things like that. I also go to the groups I mentioned above, and more. I would like to share more about that later, although I feel the need to uphold the strictest confidentiality and not mention names, place names, groups or organisation names. I might edit some details later if it turns out ok to mention these things. Although I have so much more I want to write – and I feel that I really need to clarify what this Blog is about more for you, I feel the need to let it be what it is and go do something else for a while.
If you have read this far, I want to thank you sincerely from the bottom of my heart for allowing me to share a little about my life with you – and I hope that you will return to read more, see more and particularly I want you to see my Art-work, as this is my greatest strength. I know that I can produce quality works, as people have approached me for commissions. I was much more practiced then, but I am in the process of building my skills up again – and I hope you will be here with me on the journey together to see the work improving over time. If you want to contact me for any reason, you can contact me at zetaut92@gmail.com Once again, thank you – and have an AWESOME DAY AND LIFE! π
good luck with your blog! Cheers from bloody Belgium
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Niel, do you have an account?
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Iam so happy to see u making your own blog..u having created many optimistic sies on fb..u have come along way since my first responce to u in reference to your diagnosis an about how u were feeling..I wrote back giving u places an sites to help free your mind..am so happy u have come this far..look forward to more of your ambition an endeavors..friends π
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Well iam so happy to see how far you’ve come..our fisrt encounter was in reference to your diagnosis an how u were feeling an about meds. I gave u some sites to go to to help free u from the mh system an there labels..u have created many inspirational sites on fb an now a blog..am looking forward to your personal journey an future endeavors..please keep expressing your thoughts an progress..friends till the end~ monja
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It’s so humbling to meet someone who is happy for my happiness. Thank you for your kind words. I hope to find the resources that you sent me. Could you email them to me again at zetaut92@gmail.com? If so, that would be very helpful. Thank you. π
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Brava! Brava! What a completely wonderful first post! Well done you and more power to you!
I think you are definitely on the right lines with your exploration of brain plasticity and positive psychology. You might find a few of my posts on those subjects interesting.
It is so rare to come across anyone who deals with reality in as an aware and mature way as you. It was a complete delight to read your story. Thank you for taking the time to tell it.
Here’s to a wonderful and rich life full of hope, love and adventure!
Dr Bob
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Thank you so much. I didn’t realise that I come across as mature, but I’m really glad to hear that. π Thank you for the kind wishes. I hope and pray that you also have a wonderful life. π
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welcome to the blogosphere!
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Thank you. How long have you been here?
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I think three years now. Its been fun. Enjoy your journey!
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Thank you. I will. π
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Congratulations, on your life, your approach to reality and change, and on your writing! Keep writing, and sharing your perspective with the world – your story will inspire others.
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Thank you. I hope you are right. π
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thanks for following. nice site you have here.
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You’re welcome & thank you. π
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Thank you so much and I am back on wordpress. The newest post explains my long absence and where my new blogs are. Cheers! π
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Thank you for sharing and being so transparent! It makes me wonder if this might be something my daughter is struggling with. She is 21 and was adopted from Russia at 8. She deals with a lot–fetal alcohol syndrome, developmental delays, limited cognitive function, double vision, institutionalization, and adoption issues–but loves God very much and seems to have something that she has not been able to shake since she was 14. I will send her your link. She probably won’t read it, but who knows?? Thanks for sharing your heart!! God bless you!! My life’s an open book too–you can read mine at http://www.moldableclay.com, if you’re interested.
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What is it about your daughter that gives you the impression she is facing schizophrenia?
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Dear Jasmin iI read your blog it was impressive you have to keep it up
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Thank you. I’m back now, so I will be keeping it up. It will mirror one of my bloodspot.com blogs. You can find out about them in my latest post. π
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